You call out one of the biggest perspective changes I've experienced in my last life transition. I had a great career in finance, was moving up the ladder at a fast pace in one company, and got caught up in a bubble created by my peers - that the next step was going "buy side." I jumped on the first opportunity and got so excited about the fact that I had made it to the "next level". (I was way too hyped sharing it on LinkedIn to prove to everyone something.) But within weeks, I knew something was very off. From the outside it seemed prestigious, on the inside, it was just extreme hours and toxic competition that quickly led to burn out. Once I was formally let go and my life changed drastically, all the weight put on titles, firm names, promotions etc. seemed laughable. I learned that all I want is to be happy (career stability/ work/life balance). The corporate bubble pressures people make decisions on the basis of what everyone else thinks, when in the end, no one really cares at all. I'm still getting used to telling people I'm unemployed/figuring things out and anticipating the reaction.
Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable story. I'm so sorry you went through that - it sounded unsustainable. I'm really glad you've had the time to figure out what matters to you. When I reflect back, it’s so interesting to see how everything that felt like an emergency turned out not to be a big fire drill (we always ended up figuring it out). I'm still getting used to sharing that too but I've had warm reactions when I tell people I write!
I’m on a similar path, now living in Beijing and learning Mandarin with a now one year old. Redefining oneself outside of work is something I’m working through as well after pouring myself into my work for many years.
I just started reading “the power pause” and I also see parallels between your story and theirs, definitely recommend you check it out if you haven’t come across that yet!
That sounds like an adventure! How has that transition been like for? Redefining yourself outside of work is hard - I started working retail in my teens and then also worked in healthcare in college, so it's taken an adjustment to figure out who I am beyond that. Thank you for that recommendation - I read The Power Pause last year so I’m honored to be in good company!
It’s come in fits and starts, I think I’m starting to really settle in now that I’ve started having a few days of decent sleep in a row! And writing helps, of course!
This topic is such a big one these days because we are all waking up to the reality that fulfillment and a life well-lived are many times different from the success one can achieve in the corporate world. I also feel that a sub-topic here is the fact that we are all having our decision tree open up to not only where we are going to work, what we are going to do for work, but also what country are we going to live in, where is the best country to raise our children in, etc. The life-decision fatigue is real and I think we all need to learn how to accept that we are never going to find a one-size-fits-all solution that hits every mark all the time. We will all need to prioritize different things in different seasons in our life and that's ok! (At least that is what I keep telling myself, lol)
It’s been so encouraging to read how many people are going through something similar and what they’ve learned. It’s also been eye opening to see how so many women are still having to navigate such complicated decisions and feelings around work, family/caregiving, and identity.
The decision fatigue is so hard especially when you have to think about how it affects your children too. I’m still trying to stay close to how quickly work and technology are changing, especially with AI moving so fast. But I’m also trying to enjoy this season because I don’t know how long we’ll be in Japan.
Hello, there seems to be quite a lot of us on Substack facing the same issue. I started The Uncommon Chapter to think through what kind of chapter I wanna write for myself next. We can accompany each other on this journey!
I relate to this hard! In 2012 I left a career as a journalist for the No.1 English paper in Malaysia (I suppose our equivalent of New YorK Times) to start all over again in Australia. There, I was nobody, and I often ended up hanging on to the achievements of the past, bringing it up often in conversations. The longer I stayed in Australia, the more I realised I was still very ambitious. Back then, the latest evolution of the content role - content strategy (content design, these days) was emerging, and I wanted to be one. However, I knew that I couldn't do it quickly in Australia. Or at all. So I went back. During those years in Australia, I had such immense regret leaving Malaysia, looking at colleagues who have gone to great places like CNN, CNA etc etc.
Anyway, fast forward 10 more years and I'm now in a role that is a combination of tech and writing like I've always wanted. I've achieved my dream. But you know what? I realised that my real dream is to live life on my own terms, and in a way I loved. I did have a few fancy companies in my resume, including a Fortune 500 one, but a lot of these glamourous roles were honestly pretty painful.
Seeing what's happening in FAANG companies, perhaps you don't need to envy your friends too much. They're on their path and you are yours, I'm 100% sure some absolutely envy your life.
I understand what you mean. My husband and I feel some of this too. Japan has been such a wonderful place for quality of life and raising our daughter, but career-wise it’s been harder. I sometimes feel a little regret too, especially seeing my friends getting promoted or move into elite companies. I also know I now have a more non-traditional resume now with what looks like a “gap,” even though this chapter has been full of things that don’t fit cleanly on there. It's funny because I also know people probably look at our life in Tokyo and think we’re lucky.
Thank you for sharing where you are now! I’m really glad to hear you are living your dream and calling. I’m much happier now too, but I’m still learning how to untangle my identity from work.
What brought me to Australia? A mid life crisis 😆. Basically wanted out of my life then, and did what lots of people do - just moved far away from the society that shaped me. My stint abroad was good tho. I had such bursts of happiness when I was there, realising I made a dream of living abroad come true. Which made it hard for me to leave, but choosing your path has never been easy 😮💨
I know what you mean by gap. Mine certainly was not a steady rise up the corporate ladder. More like random zig zags that made recruiters and potential bosses sit up and realise they got a weird one here lol. My stint in nursing was always a great conversation starter.
In the end no regrets. I may not have a fancy title but I sure LIVED
Haha 😆 I also completely understand wanting distance from the place that shaped you. That was one of the reasons why I moved to San Francisco too.
Also wow, nursing is such an interesting pivot. I think I can see it since nurses have to be empathetic and observant and writers do too in a different vein.
Born a Vietnamese, moved around Europe, I also thought my life would settle after almost a decade in a Nordic country. Then something came, my identity shook, no more corporate title in a company that many 👀, but then I slowly found myself through different pieces, with a more refined freedom to do what I have always asked for, long before the breakdown.
Hi Norah! My mom is Vietnamese and I grew up in California. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so glad you’ve been able to find yourself in a new way. It gives me something to look forward to as my identity keeps evolving.
We are always reinventing ourselves as we go along in life. It is quite alright to do so. Give yourself the time and permission to settle into your new life.
This was so thoughtful and honest. I recognize the tension of loving the life you’re building while still occasionally grieving the versions of you that might have existed elsewhere.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this too, how strange it feels when the old markers of ambition no longer fit, but the new ones are quieter, more personal, and harder to explain in a quick answer to “what do you do?” You captured that strange middle place well: not regret or certainty, but something much more human.
Thank you, Tomide! I really love your work and your vulnerability in your writing. It feels so surreal to feel such strong feelings of loving and grieving, both holding true at the same time.
I'm still not even sure how to explain that middle place fully, but I think being on Substack has been helping me answer it better by writing my way through it.
Hi Jasmine! I recently wrote a post about how our identity develops in layers over time, especially when we move abroad. Your experience is really interesting, particularly with the added dimension of motherhood.
I’ve also been reflecting on how social platforms like LinkedIn shape our perception of identity, almost locking us into a fixed profile. It feels as if an external business frame defines who we are, leaving little room for the space and depth we actually carry.
Not all of our dimensions fit into a LinkedIn profile—luckily!
LinkedIn is interesting because the network is all about connecting with others, but it still feels so status-based and rarely reciprocal. I remember how many people would message me when I posted that I was hiring for a role or got a new job.
The last couple of years have been very different. I've adjusted to the new change of pace but it makes the traditional corporate version of success harder to disentangle from who I am now. But as you said - humans are so complex that we don't fit into a LinkedIn profile!
This resonated deeply. I think a lot of women are quietly grieving alternate versions of their lives while simultaneously loving the one they're living. The line 'I haven't stopped being ambitious. My ambition just looks different now' really stayed with me. What a beautiful reminder that success isn't always linear and sometimes the most meaningful growth happens far away from the resume.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Hilary! Yes, two things can be true at once. I've learned so much about myself and a different way of life here in Tokyo that I never would have in a traditional corporate job. I'm not sure if society fully sees it that way yet but it's encouraging to find a community here on Substack that does :)
This was a timely reminder. Our ambitions will continue to change, depending on the season of our life.
Thank you for reading, Tom!
You call out one of the biggest perspective changes I've experienced in my last life transition. I had a great career in finance, was moving up the ladder at a fast pace in one company, and got caught up in a bubble created by my peers - that the next step was going "buy side." I jumped on the first opportunity and got so excited about the fact that I had made it to the "next level". (I was way too hyped sharing it on LinkedIn to prove to everyone something.) But within weeks, I knew something was very off. From the outside it seemed prestigious, on the inside, it was just extreme hours and toxic competition that quickly led to burn out. Once I was formally let go and my life changed drastically, all the weight put on titles, firm names, promotions etc. seemed laughable. I learned that all I want is to be happy (career stability/ work/life balance). The corporate bubble pressures people make decisions on the basis of what everyone else thinks, when in the end, no one really cares at all. I'm still getting used to telling people I'm unemployed/figuring things out and anticipating the reaction.
Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable story. I'm so sorry you went through that - it sounded unsustainable. I'm really glad you've had the time to figure out what matters to you. When I reflect back, it’s so interesting to see how everything that felt like an emergency turned out not to be a big fire drill (we always ended up figuring it out). I'm still getting used to sharing that too but I've had warm reactions when I tell people I write!
I’m on a similar path, now living in Beijing and learning Mandarin with a now one year old. Redefining oneself outside of work is something I’m working through as well after pouring myself into my work for many years.
I just started reading “the power pause” and I also see parallels between your story and theirs, definitely recommend you check it out if you haven’t come across that yet!
That sounds like an adventure! How has that transition been like for? Redefining yourself outside of work is hard - I started working retail in my teens and then also worked in healthcare in college, so it's taken an adjustment to figure out who I am beyond that. Thank you for that recommendation - I read The Power Pause last year so I’m honored to be in good company!
It’s come in fits and starts, I think I’m starting to really settle in now that I’ve started having a few days of decent sleep in a row! And writing helps, of course!
This topic is such a big one these days because we are all waking up to the reality that fulfillment and a life well-lived are many times different from the success one can achieve in the corporate world. I also feel that a sub-topic here is the fact that we are all having our decision tree open up to not only where we are going to work, what we are going to do for work, but also what country are we going to live in, where is the best country to raise our children in, etc. The life-decision fatigue is real and I think we all need to learn how to accept that we are never going to find a one-size-fits-all solution that hits every mark all the time. We will all need to prioritize different things in different seasons in our life and that's ok! (At least that is what I keep telling myself, lol)
It’s been so encouraging to read how many people are going through something similar and what they’ve learned. It’s also been eye opening to see how so many women are still having to navigate such complicated decisions and feelings around work, family/caregiving, and identity.
The decision fatigue is so hard especially when you have to think about how it affects your children too. I’m still trying to stay close to how quickly work and technology are changing, especially with AI moving so fast. But I’m also trying to enjoy this season because I don’t know how long we’ll be in Japan.
For sure, I think actually one of the hardest parts of all of these decisions is definitely trying to figure out what is best for our kids!
Hello, there seems to be quite a lot of us on Substack facing the same issue. I started The Uncommon Chapter to think through what kind of chapter I wanna write for myself next. We can accompany each other on this journey!
Yes, I would love that!
I relate to this hard! In 2012 I left a career as a journalist for the No.1 English paper in Malaysia (I suppose our equivalent of New YorK Times) to start all over again in Australia. There, I was nobody, and I often ended up hanging on to the achievements of the past, bringing it up often in conversations. The longer I stayed in Australia, the more I realised I was still very ambitious. Back then, the latest evolution of the content role - content strategy (content design, these days) was emerging, and I wanted to be one. However, I knew that I couldn't do it quickly in Australia. Or at all. So I went back. During those years in Australia, I had such immense regret leaving Malaysia, looking at colleagues who have gone to great places like CNN, CNA etc etc.
Anyway, fast forward 10 more years and I'm now in a role that is a combination of tech and writing like I've always wanted. I've achieved my dream. But you know what? I realised that my real dream is to live life on my own terms, and in a way I loved. I did have a few fancy companies in my resume, including a Fortune 500 one, but a lot of these glamourous roles were honestly pretty painful.
Seeing what's happening in FAANG companies, perhaps you don't need to envy your friends too much. They're on their path and you are yours, I'm 100% sure some absolutely envy your life.
'
Thanks for sharing!
Wow, that’s hard. What brought you to Australia?
I understand what you mean. My husband and I feel some of this too. Japan has been such a wonderful place for quality of life and raising our daughter, but career-wise it’s been harder. I sometimes feel a little regret too, especially seeing my friends getting promoted or move into elite companies. I also know I now have a more non-traditional resume now with what looks like a “gap,” even though this chapter has been full of things that don’t fit cleanly on there. It's funny because I also know people probably look at our life in Tokyo and think we’re lucky.
Thank you for sharing where you are now! I’m really glad to hear you are living your dream and calling. I’m much happier now too, but I’m still learning how to untangle my identity from work.
What brought me to Australia? A mid life crisis 😆. Basically wanted out of my life then, and did what lots of people do - just moved far away from the society that shaped me. My stint abroad was good tho. I had such bursts of happiness when I was there, realising I made a dream of living abroad come true. Which made it hard for me to leave, but choosing your path has never been easy 😮💨
I know what you mean by gap. Mine certainly was not a steady rise up the corporate ladder. More like random zig zags that made recruiters and potential bosses sit up and realise they got a weird one here lol. My stint in nursing was always a great conversation starter.
In the end no regrets. I may not have a fancy title but I sure LIVED
Haha 😆 I also completely understand wanting distance from the place that shaped you. That was one of the reasons why I moved to San Francisco too.
Also wow, nursing is such an interesting pivot. I think I can see it since nurses have to be empathetic and observant and writers do too in a different vein.
I loved your last sentence. You LIVED.
Born a Vietnamese, moved around Europe, I also thought my life would settle after almost a decade in a Nordic country. Then something came, my identity shook, no more corporate title in a company that many 👀, but then I slowly found myself through different pieces, with a more refined freedom to do what I have always asked for, long before the breakdown.
Anyway, thank you for your story.
Hi Norah! My mom is Vietnamese and I grew up in California. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so glad you’ve been able to find yourself in a new way. It gives me something to look forward to as my identity keeps evolving.
We are always reinventing ourselves as we go along in life. It is quite alright to do so. Give yourself the time and permission to settle into your new life.
Thank you for reading and the reminder, Brinny!
This was so thoughtful and honest. I recognize the tension of loving the life you’re building while still occasionally grieving the versions of you that might have existed elsewhere.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this too, how strange it feels when the old markers of ambition no longer fit, but the new ones are quieter, more personal, and harder to explain in a quick answer to “what do you do?” You captured that strange middle place well: not regret or certainty, but something much more human.
Thank you, Tomide! I really love your work and your vulnerability in your writing. It feels so surreal to feel such strong feelings of loving and grieving, both holding true at the same time.
I'm still not even sure how to explain that middle place fully, but I think being on Substack has been helping me answer it better by writing my way through it.
Hi Jasmine! I recently wrote a post about how our identity develops in layers over time, especially when we move abroad. Your experience is really interesting, particularly with the added dimension of motherhood.
I’ve also been reflecting on how social platforms like LinkedIn shape our perception of identity, almost locking us into a fixed profile. It feels as if an external business frame defines who we are, leaving little room for the space and depth we actually carry.
Not all of our dimensions fit into a LinkedIn profile—luckily!
Yes, I read it and restacked :)
LinkedIn is interesting because the network is all about connecting with others, but it still feels so status-based and rarely reciprocal. I remember how many people would message me when I posted that I was hiring for a role or got a new job.
The last couple of years have been very different. I've adjusted to the new change of pace but it makes the traditional corporate version of success harder to disentangle from who I am now. But as you said - humans are so complex that we don't fit into a LinkedIn profile!
This resonated deeply. I think a lot of women are quietly grieving alternate versions of their lives while simultaneously loving the one they're living. The line 'I haven't stopped being ambitious. My ambition just looks different now' really stayed with me. What a beautiful reminder that success isn't always linear and sometimes the most meaningful growth happens far away from the resume.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Hilary! Yes, two things can be true at once. I've learned so much about myself and a different way of life here in Tokyo that I never would have in a traditional corporate job. I'm not sure if society fully sees it that way yet but it's encouraging to find a community here on Substack that does :)